


The Human Quadrants

by homosexuwhy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Beggining of relationship, DRUNK!ROSE TW, First Date, Karkat is a Romance Nerd, M/M, author is mostly self indulging and geeking out, introspection on human relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 05:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11029347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosexuwhy/pseuds/homosexuwhy
Summary: Karkat observes Dave and Rose's behavior in order to understand how human relationships work, and comes to the realization that humans have quadrants indeed. But more than that, human love and troll pity are different things.





	The Human Quadrants

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't beta'd and I am tired, so if you do locate any mistake, please put it in the comments so I can fix it, thanks!  
> this fic is p chill, so i hope you have a nice time reading it ;)

To nobody’s surprise, Karkat found himself fascinated by human quadrants. At a first glance, he was certain there was no such thing as many types of romance to the species. If it weren’t for his well-trained eye to the subject, he was ready to hit this deathbed with that mindset.

The first indication was when he spotted Rose and Dave, lounging in the sofa. To his anti-social alternian perspective, the behavior wrote off as moirallegience, but as humans didn’t really share that sentiment, Karkat had to inspect just a little further.

They were having a so-called “Feelings Jam”. Alien species aside, most quadrants could have one of those. Mainly those revolving around pity. They were drinking the recently-alchemized apple juice (paper & dirt made tree, tree & water made tea, tea & rose’s human booze made purple human booze, purple human booze || other human booze made purple juice, and some random & and|| combinations of sugar and coffee made, eventually, aj).

Rose was going on about her Kanaya situation and how she felt uncertain about the nature of her feelings as Kanaya was, well, not human. Dave replied with a “If I’d known my little sister had the hots for aliens I’d have mustered up a better Christmas present last year.”

Karkat listened in to some more, and concluded humans had a quadrant within their weird familial structures which revolved around some tier of pity. Naturally, it wasn’t concupiscent, as the four humans had a similarly outraged reaction to the possibility of reproducing with their blood-related counterparts.

* * *

 

He believed the family-related relationship was the only instance there could be, until one afternoon of building can town with the Mayor and Dave.

“We should make Can Town a thing, like, when we get out of this Sburb/Sgrub mess.” Dave said whilst stacking yet another pile of bean cans.

“You mean, in a bigger room? With more cans and such?” Karkat said. He was painting some of the buildings with the colors the Mayor approved.

“No dude. Hear me out. We get John to come and use his biggerizer aumentizer bunny thing, then we point it to some cans or something, prototype it, alchemize a bunch of them and then there’s Can Town in all its glory.”

“That’s real fucking stupid, Dave. One of the few things both of our cultures have in common is building custom-made hives, but you want to go through the bulgesucking trouble of prototyping and alchemizing cans, and they can’t even be that decent to live in!”

“No dude, but think of the Mayor. His carapace would fucking glow out of happiness. Don’t you want to make the mayor proud?”

“Of course I do, but that is insane! And also, why use John’s bunny? Our alchemizer can make things big just fine.”

“I just thought… John is my best bro, he could use some bonding with the Mayor, after he lost his dad, and it’ll be good to give Liv another use when there are no more battles to be fought.”

“John and his bunnies can rot in the furthest ring, as far as I care. And why the fuck are you comparing the sweet, precious Mayor to one of you Earth lusi?”

“Oh, shit you don’t get it, do you? Ah ok. Bear with me here.” Dave gesticulated in exasperation, possibly trying to fathom the concept in an Alternian-friendly way. “So, imagine your lusus, ok. Now picture your lusus doesn’t die once you mature or whatever.”

“But that’s fucked up. What will it do after that?”

“So that’s the thing. Imagine that your lusus had a life before you. And interests and expectations and all of that. And your lusus liked you a lot and taught all things he believed were important to you, not only to be alive, but also to be a decent person. Got it?”

“I’m trying.”

“Good. Now think of John having this lusus. And being all bonding and shit, and wanting to do nice things to the lusus, ok, because he cared very dearly for him and made sure he was still alive, and john was very grateful.”

“Ok like how small purrbeasts bring dead grubs to the bigger purrbeasts to prove they can hunt.”

“Yeah, sure. Now, this wasn’t the case for me, since Bro was a sociopath, but for John, things would follow the natural human course of leaving home, having a job, using shaving cream and such, and following to some extent his father’s footsteps. Because that’s how he knew things to be. And perhaps, somewhere in his mind, he would make his old man proud and happy, and he would be proud of himself and happy as well. Because that’s how he wanted to give back to his dad all the efforts and sacrifices that come along with being a father.”

“But the mayor is not his lusus.”

“No, but, you see, my good, family-oriented friend lost his family. And I had no family. But the mayor taught me about some crazy shit and cared for us and is just the best. Like the finest of human lusi, if you will. So maybe John could enjoy his fatherly vibes.”

And thus, Karkat learned that, within human family units, there were two quadrants. One, of pity and protection, and another of respect and gratitude for their guardians. It would strike him as unusual for a few nights, until he noticed he also felt that way about the mayor. After a few more inquiries to Dave, he learned that some people felt different types of affection towards their guardians. Even some humans like Jade never really had a way to interact with them again, but still followed their teachings.

Karkat concluded that human family constructs weren’t as simplified as he thought. He still didn’t understand a lot of it, though. He had trouble grasping the concept of an extended family, how the relationship between cousins differed from those of siblings, or how did grandparents even work.

* * *

 

The next one was a given. That would be how he observed John’s friendship with Dave. Within a troll perspective, what they shared was clearly a moirallegience, but they seemed to be multi-taskers when it came to that. In more than one occasion, Karkat had reached out for Dave, needing to talk but not having the courage to do so with one of his troll friends. In one instance, Karkat was crying and shaken up over Gamzee and Terezi and everything, and Dave straight up hugged him.

“Shhhh little bro. It’s just one more year here then it’s over, ok.” Dave petted his hair as Karkat sobbed on his shoulder.

That made him feel even worse. He felt as if he were taking John’s place, as if he had made Dave cheat on him. So, he cried a bit harder. Once he calmed down, he asked Dave about it.

“Would John be okay with this you’re doing?”

“Doing what, being your friend?”

“Not just that.” Karkat didn’t have the guts to look him in the eyes after having a breakdown like that. “That was very… pale of you.”

“I think John would have done the same. He’s just that kind of person. Some humans out there don’t really like comforting others. But overall, we are very supportive. You are my friend, and you are going through some shit. It’s only natural for me to be here for you. That doesn’t change the nature of my friendship with him.”

“So what makes him your moirail?”

“He is my _best friend_ because he understands me and knows a lot about how I do things and my interest and mannerisms. And the kid’s loyal as fuck, I’m sure if I asked nicely, he’d amputate his own arm for me.”

“What about you. You are an aloof bastard half of the time and have the weirdest taste in everything imaginable. Why does he hit it off with you?”

“That, my tiny angry friend, is for John to answer. But I am quite the decent friend alright. You just experienced that yourself.”

Karkat made an angry _grumpf_ and turned on his husktop to watch some of Dave’s anime.

Karkat now knew of three new types of human relationships. There was that between siblings, of mutual pity and competitiveness, somewhat. The other was where one older guardian pitied a youngling. The latter would grow with feelings of respect and gratitude, forming a long-lasting bond. The third was polyamorous friendship. One could pity and care for multiple friends. In certain cases, one of those friends would form a stronger bond and become Best Friends, but it was acceptable to treat all friends as moirails.

* * *

 

The last quadrant was learned about through a drunken Rose. She was hanging around Karkat, who was really trying to get through this novel he found in a previously unknown storage room. It was hard to focus, because she kept singing and giggling to herself.

She used her feet to poke at Karkat’s arm.

“Kaaaarkieee… Hey karkieee.” She sung.

“What.” He said with his grumpiest tone.

“I wan to talk to youuu…. Abut love!!” She giggled.

Karkat decided that could be somewhat interesting, and closed his book on the table.

“Tell me about love then, Rose.”

In alternian, there wasn’t a precise translation for love. After all, their idea of love came in quadrants, not in a single concept humans referred to. Due to the delicateness and its benign origin, it was often translated as their pity, the basis of red romance.

Drunken rose seemed to want to talk about human romance this time, as whenever she desired to discuss the troll way of feelings, she would use the alternian names. Since she and Kanaya had begun vacillating between human and troll courting processes, their conversations on the topic had deepened.

“Well, if yu insist so mush, I think I’m’ing love with kananya”

“What the fuck does being in love with her mean? You are already matesprites or whatever.”

“oh baby karkent you really dont understand do you? Being her matething is like. Step on. Then you start cho wanto culdle all the time. And then yur face gets tingly when she tuches ur cheek and you kinda want to feel that a lot, than your hert skipsabeet when she says your name and then you mis her when see leaves and everythigng is beutiful and she, makes u... smile…”

She made a dramatic gesture of falling to the couch on Karkat’s lap and started mumbling to herself and staring at the ceiling.

“She’s tha best karket I lub her  so hard…”

And she proceeded to fall asleep as Karkat played a bit with her hair.

* * *

 

Not too long later, he decided to put his newfound knowledge to test. For a while now, he had found himself vacillating between the border-moirallegience that was human friendship and something… stronger.

He walked slowly to Can Town, trying to ease the knot in his throat. He imagined that eventually he’d have to act upon his feelings. What he didn’t reckon was that he would use romance science as an excuse.

When he opened the door, it creaked slightly. He peeked his head inside and called for Dave.

“Dave, you free?” Karkat asked, timidly. Dave was hanging with Terezi again, and he didn’t really want to think about that. He nodded at her in lieu of a greeting.

“Sure, Kar. Take care, TZ, Mayor. And watch out for that tower, I think it needs more glue.”

Dave tiptoed his way around delicate can structures and exited through the door Karkat was standing behind, pushing him a little.

Dave looked at his hand. He held a paper flower, since there were none around the meteor and he sucked at prototyping as much as he sucked with any other type of code.

He offered Dave the shitty origami. “Will you go on a date with me?”

Dave took the flower from his hand and asked him “How cliché is this going to be, exactly?”

“Real fucking cliché.” Karkat answered with a proud grin.

“I’m in.” Dave replied likewise. With that, Karkat felt his confidence growing back and let himself relax.

The first stop was the beach. Well, there was no beach, but they did have an endless sea of void just outside their building, so they had a walk near that instead. They filled about half an hour with casual banter before returning inside for Part Two.

Karkat took Dave inside for a candlelit dinner. The main course was microwaved burritos with a side of grub sauce. The best of both worlds, really. They laughed and talked about the next anime they should watch and whatnot, and when the meal ended, he guided Dave to the last stop.

Karkat had found, along with the aforementioned storage room, a projection room. He then chose one of his favorite human romances (A Walk to Remember), and set the couch inside. The date was going great, he and Dave were enjoying it thoroughly. At some point, he even fake yawned and threw his arms around Dave’s shoulders, and they both laughed. When it was time for the date to end, he walked his pair to his room, arm in arm, and kissed his hand in an antiquated manner to say goodbye.

Once Dave was gone, Karkat took a second to consider his feelings. He felt sad to see him leave. He wanted to be with him longer, to hold his hand and laugh with him. Although he did not yet feel that way, he found it easy to see himself in the situation Drunken Rose had described.

He went to his recuperacoon peacefully, knowing he had his feelings in order.

The next day, he woke up at 10 a.m. with two knocks his door and the sound of footsteps moving away. Once he stood up, he located a piece of paper on his floor.

“ _yesterday was great, but now it’s my turn. meet me at the roof in 15_

_xoxo lots of love from ur secret admirer_

_dave_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a very brief davekat moment, if i do say so myself. Although it would be possible to go on with their dating tales, I won't because I'm lazy and don't want to.  
> thank you for reading and have a great week!!


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